STIFF in the News - Smart Ass
Let me start by apologizing for the long hiatus. I do have a good reason: I was moving. We've purchased our first home; a condo on the Southside. It's quite nice, and I'll hopefully be providing details soon. But for today, I'd like to begin a new installment called ... STIFF (Stuff That Is Fucking Funny) in the News. The stories will consist of anything and everything hilarious, ridiculous or downright dumb. The first falls under all three. So without further ado, the first of (hopefully) many stories to come:
Operation removes lightbulb from anus
Thursday June 29, 2006
MULTAN, Pakistan (Reuters)
Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus.
This is what happens when a smart-ass gets an idea.
Wednesday night, doctors brought Mohammad's misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object.
"Thanks Allah, now I feel comfort. Today, I had my breakfast. I was just drinking water, nothing else," Mohammad, a grey-bearded man in his mid-40s, told Reuters from a hospital bed in the southern central city of Multan.
Thank Allah? How about thanking the damn doctor?
"We had to take it out intact," said Dr. Farrukh Aftab at Nishtar Hospital. "Had it been broken inside, it would be a very, very complicated situation."
I wonder if they rock-paper-scissored for the doctor who had to go in after it.
Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, prohibited for Muslims, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. He swears he didn't know the bulb was there.
If there is a four-year sentence for making liquor, the guy was probably scared to death of the punishment for sticking a lightbulb up his own ass.
"When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this," Mohammad said.
"I don't know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners."
Probably both, buddy.
The doctor treating Mohammad said he'd never encountered anything like it before, and doubted the felon's story that someone had drugged him and inserted the bulb while he was comatose.
Operation removes lightbulb from anus
Thursday June 29, 2006
MULTAN, Pakistan (Reuters)Fateh Mohammad, a prison inmate in Pakistan, says he woke up last weekend with a glass lightbulb in his anus.
This is what happens when a smart-ass gets an idea.
Wednesday night, doctors brought Mohammad's misery to an end after a one-and-a-half hour operation to remove the object.
"Thanks Allah, now I feel comfort. Today, I had my breakfast. I was just drinking water, nothing else," Mohammad, a grey-bearded man in his mid-40s, told Reuters from a hospital bed in the southern central city of Multan.
Thank Allah? How about thanking the damn doctor?
"We had to take it out intact," said Dr. Farrukh Aftab at Nishtar Hospital. "Had it been broken inside, it would be a very, very complicated situation."
I wonder if they rock-paper-scissored for the doctor who had to go in after it.
Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for making liquor, prohibited for Muslims, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. He swears he didn't know the bulb was there.
If there is a four-year sentence for making liquor, the guy was probably scared to death of the punishment for sticking a lightbulb up his own ass.
"When I woke up I felt a pain in my lower abdomen, but later in hospital, they told me this," Mohammad said.
"I don't know who did this to me. Police or other prisoners."
Probably both, buddy.
The doctor treating Mohammad said he'd never encountered anything like it before, and doubted the felon's story that someone had drugged him and inserted the bulb while he was comatose.
posted by beaner dog at
12:01 AM
1 Comments:
Ok, excellent post for your first with the new concept! I guess the perp didn't sing "You Light Up My Life" as he carefully inserted this bulb. I can't imagine the drug that would've put this guy under enough for that one not to hurt later, beyond the abdomen!!!
~Ace Freely~
By
Anonymous, at 10:15 PM, July 02, 2006
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